The Man The World Revolves Around

I'm at the theatre. The phone rings.

Man on the phone: "This is Dale, I'm at Wrigley Field, dude, and it's thundering and lightening up here and it's my birthday and my birthday is ruined cause it's thundering and lightening so can I come trade in my tickets for the Cubs that I payed a lot of money for cause it's my birthday and then see your show?"

Me: "I'm sorry, no."

Him: "It's my birthday and it's ruined."

Me: "......"

Him: "So do I get a discount if I come to your show cause it's my birthday and it's ruined?"

Me: "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid not."

Him: "Dude, it's my fucking birthday and it's ruined. I come to see your show what benefit do I get since it's my birthday."

Me (that I want to say): "Dude, you get to see the fucking show. That's your fucking benefit."

Me (to him): "I'm sorry, we don't have any additional benefits to offer."

Him: "Jesus, Dude, you just don't fucking get that ---" At which point I hung up on his drunk ass.

For the record: I then went over and opened the office door to the street. It was not thundering nor was it "lightening." Nor was it raining.

Say Good Night, Gracie

So there I was up on Devon Avenue for a meeting. That area of Devon has the city's densest concentration of Indian businesses.

I wanted to get something to eat before the meeting started so I popped into an Indian restaurant.

I was wearing my new glasses (that's them, in the picture over at the right).

When I walk in, the host -- a handsome Indian fellow in his early to mid twenties -- looks at me and says:

"The glasses -- nice! George Burns!"

George Burns? I'd be surprised to find a mid to early twenties American who knows George Burns.

(He went on to tell me he was a big fan of the Rat Pack and of fifties and sixties American television.)

Another Friendly Conversation

So there I was, waiting, on my bike, for the light to change.

Woman walks up. Woman talks to me: "You fucking bicyclists, you're always in the fucking away! I fucking hate you goddamn bicyclists! Why don't you all get the fuck out of the way!"

"Ma'am," I say, "perhaps it would help the matter if you would kindly get your fucking fat ass out of the fucking bike lane and walk on the goddamn sidewalk like you fucking pedestrians are supposed to do!"