We Had One Question

As usual, Kitty and I went north for the Christmas holidays, and as usual, my mother "asked" us to go to church on Sunday with the folks.

We took our place in the pew, and took a look at the church bulletin. At the bottom of which it read:

Have A Mary Christmas!

A "Mary" Christmas? How did they know we were coming?

I Love A Bargain, But...

Seen on a trip to Michigan for the holidays, at the side of a country road, next to the driveway: two Porta-Johns, with a "for sale" sign attached.

Are there really people driving those country roads with a burning need to buy Porta-Johns? And if you need to buy Porta-Johns, do you really want to buy used Porta-Johns?

If You Say So, Ma'am

CVS Pharmacy, Clark at Halsted, Tuesday evening. Woman is buying a gallon of milk.

Cashier: "Would you like a bag?"

Customer, rolls eyes: "Uh, hello? I'm not retarded. So, no, I don't need a bag."

Cashier looks suprised at this outburst.

Customer points to handle on milk container: "See?! It has a handle! Duh!"

Astounding Grasp Of The Obvious

Overheard from nearby cubes:

From two cubes away: "It's raining!"

From cube next door: "Outside?"

(Cube next door was immediately mocked for such a silly question. Cube next door made a lame attempt to cover by explaining she wasn't sure whether the person in the other cube was commenting on the weather, or singing the classic song by Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer.)

Note To The Man On Halsted Street

Walking to work at the theatre, I saw a young, muscular man walking in my direction. Dressed in workout clothes, his jacket unzipped to show off the tank top stretched across his firm muscular torso; he was obviously headed to the gym up the street.

And as he passed by, I wanted to say to him: "Generally people don't wear so much cologne to go work out."

What Happened At Macy's On State Street

I was enjoying a day of shopping and people-watching in downtown Chicago. At one point, I was sitting near the food court on the lower level of the State Street Macy's store.

A panhandler came up. "Can I have fifty cents for coffee?"

"No."

He tried again: "Can I have a dollar?" (Because of course I'll be willing to hand over twice as much as I wouldn't give him initially.)

He paused, and tried again: "Maybe we could go out sometime, hang out, you know, kick back?"