I'm Still Not From Around Here

Conversation with box office patron, by phone:

Patron: "Are there little busses that go to your theater?"

Me: "Ah, there are several public transit busses that service the area...I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean by little busses."

P: "Well, I'm not from around here."

M: "Ah.....:

P: "We're going to be at Navy Pier [which she pronounced as if very carefully enunciating a foreign language out of a guidebook]. Are you far away?"

M: "The theater is about five miles north of downtown Chicago."

P: "How far are you from the Magnificent Mile?"

M: "That's downtown, and the theater is about five miles north of downtown."

P: "Oh, so you're by University of Chicago."

M: "Well, the University is south of downtown. The theater is north of downtown."

Heard On The Street

9 September, Balmoral and Lakewood. Woman pushing stroller, while her perhaps five year old daughter walks alongside.

Mother to daughter: "And my vagina says you're not."

Why Computers Are Not Always Smart...

I have just received an email from Hyatt Hotels. Based on the information I provided (with an eye toward getting a graphic design gig with the company), they say, I am qualified for the position of Manager, Quality Assurance. The job involves...

"management, analysis and reporting results of Guest and Meeting Planner satisfaction surveys, including vendor management, contract/pricing management, communication (written, verbal and formal presentations) and partnership with the corporate stakeholders (Operations, F&B, Marketing, Sales, Development, HR/Compensation, etc.)"

It looks like English. Doesn't make much sense. Partnership with corporate stakeholders?

• Primary vendor contact and management associated with special proprietary projects appended to these studies

Sure. I'm all about special proprietary projects appended to studies.

• Responsible for relationship-building with corporate stakeholders and hotels

Those stakeholders again. Who are these people?

• Responsible for traveling and conducting work sessions with individual properties to

I'm all for traveling. I wish they hadn't left off the last part of that second sentence, though.

A Day At The Box Office

Woman cuts in line at window.

Woman leans in.

Woman says: "We ordered our tickets with American Express. We don't have to wait in line, do we?"

Sadly, "we" did.