Damn, That's Where I Keep Mine, Too

A theater out west has this printed right on their tickets"

NO STROLLERS. NO HANDGUNS.

The Stars Know

My horoscope, Wednesday, 17 January:

"...you might meet someone unusual or bizarre, or view someone familiar who seems to be this way...keep your knees bent."

For a quick getaway, I guess.

I'm Not From Around Wherever It Is I Am

One Sunday at the theater. Woman calls...

She: Are you on South Halsted or North Halsted?

Me: We're at 3133 North Halsted.

She: We're at 33rd Street and South Halsted. (Apparently the lack of a theatre at that location wasn't sufficient to convince her we weren' t there.)

Me: .....okay.

She: Which way do we go to get to the theater?

Me: If you're on South Halsted, and you need to get to North Halsted, I guess you'll want to go north.

She: Oh, okay -- towards the lake.

Me: I'm afraid not. Halsted doesn't run east and west, it runs north and south, um, towards Wisconsin.

She: Well, yeah, I meant downtown. (As if I were somehow the fool for not realizing lake = downtown.)

It Must Have Been Good To Make Such An Impression

At the White Hen, around lunch time. Man and woman are looking at the assortment of deli sandwiches. The man says:

"I had this before, it is sooo good, I mean, really good, this one, here... er.... no, no, it was this one, it's so good, I loved it, I... no...no... no, this one. It was this one. It is sooo good!"

Me, I Like My Eggs At Room Temperature

From the Good Housekeeping Cook Book, 1955 edition:

"If possible, buy eggs from a dealer who keeps eggs in refrigerated display cases."