Several years ago, I had a part time job up in Evanston (a suburb, just north of Chicago). One fine day, feeling thirsty, I hung my "Back in a few minutes" sign in the window and went down to the drugstore on the corner.
With my soda pop in hand, I got in line behind a woman, very nicely dressed, well-groomed, perhaps around 50 or so. She had her ATM card in hand, staring at Alma, the cashier. Alma was staring down aisle five. Alma... it was my opinion that Alma kept her job solely through inertia. She was rarely helpful and never efficient.
I noticed that the ATM keypad was blinking "Re-enter PIN." Since Matron was staring at Alma and Alma was staring down the aisle, neither noticed the message. Trying to be helpful, I pointed it out to Matron.
At some point, a man had gotten in line behind me, and was jumping around, muttering "Come on! Hurry up! Geez!" This will be significant in a moment, trust me.
Finally, Matron and Alma get it all straightened out. Matron looks back and says "I only took so long to annoy the man behind me." Not realizing she had thought the man behind me was me, I took offense. I had tried to help! "Well," I said, "I'm sorry you're too stupid to know how to use an ATM card."
Her eyes narrowed. "Fuck you!" said Matron.
"Honey, I'm gay. I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last thing alive on the earth."
She turned and left. I made my purchase. I walked out of the store.
To find Matron on the sidewalk, waiting for me. "And another thing," she says, "don't you ever call me honey again!" (As if she thought we would be meeting up again in the future?)
By this point, I was very amused by the absurdity of standing on a street corner in downtown Evanston trading insults with an impeccably-dressed matron with a potty mouth. So we stood there for a few minutes having our fun (or, at least, I was having fun).
Finally she pulls her herself up, breathes in, leans in and hisses "You..... have a tiny dick!"
As much fun as it was, I had to go back to work, so I left her there. Not with the last word, mind you. I returned her "compliment" with a comment about the state of her private parts.
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