It's In The Stars

My horoscope today read: "You are like a tea kettle, right at that moment when it's about to boil and squeal with delight," which somehow sounds dirty to me.

Guessing Game

Fellow comes up to the box office window, wants to pick up tickets.

"Last name?"

"It's either my last name or my wife's."

I wait for him to move on to what seems the next logical point of conversation: one of those names.

I try prompting him: "And....?"

"Yes?"

I give up: "Do you know what one of those names might be?"

Well... That Changes Everything

Woman calls the theater. Woman wants tickets.

Me: "The best available seats will be on the left side of the main floor, in the 11th row."

Her: "The 11th row? Really? That's it? There's nothing better than that?"

Me: "These seats are in just the 11th row from the stage, you'll have an excel--"

Her: "The 11th row from the stage!?! Oh! Yes! Yes!"

Me: "???"

Her: "I thought you meant from the balcony!"

Why My Boss Does Not Measure Up

It seems my immediate superior at work -- not the theatre, my other work -- has been exploring slithernoggin city and is dismayed to find that she cannot be found within the slithernoggin city limits.

I have considered this matter.

Unfortunately, she is not eligible for residency for several reasons. Unlike most residents of slithernoggin city, she...

-is able to reason.

-has never uttered the phrase, "I'm not from around here"

-can grasp concepts such as near, far, and scattered single seats.