So I was riding my bike to work one fine morning in the spring. As I made my way through Chicago's Gold Coast, I went down a side street where I found two SUVs side-by-side, one facing north, one south. The drivers of said vehicles had their respective windows down in order to engage in a friendly conversation.
This being a narrow side street, there were at least four cars in each direction unable to move thanks to these fellows and their huge vehicles blocking all traffic.
I went right between these two SUVs and, as I passed the drivers, tossed off a clever comment on whether they'd gotten their driver's licenses from a Cracker Jack box or a pack of bubble gum.
The fellow whose SUV was facing the direction I was traveling in bursts into motion, pulling up alongside me and rolling down the passenger side window (as I'd returned to the side of the street, where I was supposed to be). "You," he snarled, "disrespected me!"
"Well, " I said, "why should I show you any more respect than you were showing to the people behind you, who couldn't get through?"
"Because. You are a big HO-mo-SEX-ual." Well, sure, he was right, I am big, and I am a homosexual. But I couldn't quite believe he'd actually said that. So I gave him a second chance, and asked him again about the whole respect issue.
"I told you! Because you're a big HO-mo-SEX-ual!"
Oh. Okay. "Well," I responded, "who would know more about big homosexuals than a big ol' cocksucker like you?"
He did not find it as funny as I did. He gave chase on foot (!) and I went on to work.
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