Who Knew?

I've been looking for the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers Collection Volume 2 set of DVDs, for Matthew.

Shopzilla.com suggests that if I'm interested in Astaire and Rogers I might also be interested in...

Let Me Die a Woman (DVD)

Uncut, Transgendered Edition
Description: This hilarious and horrifying documentary on transsexuals includes actual surgical footage of the operations and close-up looks at the results, inside and out. Not for the faint of heart.

The Sounds of the Holiday Season

Friday 17 November, within a block of Marsh.... Macy's State Street:

Christmas carols playing in the stores.

Cashier to customer: "Happy holidays!"

Pedestrian to pedestrian: "Have a happy Thanksgiving."

Oddly dressed woman to person(s) unknown: "I'm gonna fuck shit up your fucking ass!"

Word from the Next Cube

"I was there when the placenta started coming!"

Awkward Conversation

At a party one fine Saturday night, a young man stepped out of the bathroom, and seeing an empty spot next to me, took it. A handsome young man, his tight white t-shirt showing off his muscular torso to best advantage.

This young man decided, for some reason, that the ideal conversational opener would be:

"I just had an orgasm! [He nodded his head towards the bathroom.] I haven't had one in like two months since my doctor put me on anti-depressants."

Let's see now, what have you told me that would be among the things I don't want to learn about someone within the first ten seconds of meeting them:

-You're clinically depressed.
-You're on antidepressants.
-You generally have no sex drive.
-You just had an orgasm.

I wasn't even sure what to say.

Thank you for coming sprang to mind, of course, but I didn't say it.

Did He Leave His Wife At Home?

Customer came to the theater window to buy a ticket.

Customer did not want a seat in the poncho section, where patrons wear plastic ponchos to protect their clothing.

Why?

"I am on a business trip, and I cannot wash my clothes."

Imagine This

That Maya Angelou was recently reading "Mary Poppins" by P.L. Travers.

That Maya Angelou decided she simply must dress like that dapper British nanny. Exactly like her.

Then you will know what I saw at the CVS Pharmacy near Union Station recently, right down to the umbrella.

This Guy Really Had A Screw Loose

Walgreen's, near Sears Tower. 9 November, late in the afternoon.

Man goes up to Maxine, one of the cashiers.

(Maxine has no eyebrows, and so pencils them in each morning. And she always looks like someone startled her as she applied her left eyebrow, for it starts near her nose, quite normally, but then wanders off upwards into her hairline.)

Man purchases six-piece tool kit. Maxine offers a bag. Man declines, exclaiming "I only need this!"

He rips the clamshell packaging apart and extracts the screwdriver, and leaves.

I'm Not From Around Here, But I Can Puzzle It Out

Caller: "We're at Michigan and Wabash, where's the theater?"

Me: "You're about five miles south of the theater."

Caller: "So..... we need to go.... um..................................five miles..................................north?"

Truth in Advertising

Union Station, Friday, 3 November. Panhandler asks for money:

"Five bucks, wanna fuck a whore."